i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
