I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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