I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's blow job season.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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