Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
