New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
