Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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