Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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