If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
