Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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