The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
