New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
