biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
