Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize