I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
