I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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