I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
