Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
