He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
