So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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