She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
