Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
