Nicole vs. Life
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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