My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
