i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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