cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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