I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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