I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
