oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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