It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
