I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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