i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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