I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
