we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
