fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think a kid would responsible me up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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