My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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