sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
