Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize