it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
