It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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