ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
