i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
