so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
