birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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