i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
