holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
