I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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