He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize