That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize