The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
