just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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