also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
