I accidentally had phone sex last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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