A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
