I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
