I just saw a hot homeless man
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
