Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
