he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want to be your penis for a week.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize