There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
