She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
