and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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