all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
