A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize