I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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