just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
