I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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