I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
