he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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