My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize