I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
