Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What a dumb baby whore.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
