if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
