Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
