Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize