I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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