her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
