thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
