I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
