i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
