You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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