you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
