My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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