I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize