who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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