We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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