I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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