Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
