It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
