I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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