I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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