Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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