She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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