Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
