I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
