hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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