I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
