Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
