He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
