she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
