I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
