I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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