and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
