The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
