paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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