Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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