is your mom at the bar?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
