Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
