weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize