how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
