I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
