This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
